Sternberg's Theory of Love
Overview
This covers the topic of Sternberg's Theory of Love.
Love in the Modern World
Author: Melissa Ness
Editor: Heather Whittaker
What is love? Other than a chemical reaction in our brains, love is made up of several components that have the potential to work together in harmony. According to Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, relationships are based on varying combinations of passion, love, and intimacy (Feurman, 2019). Each relationship consists of a dynamic combination of those three things. Love can be romantic or platonic based on the combination of these factors. Intimacy is linked to liking, commitment is linked to empty love, and passion is linked to infatuation. All these aspects need each other and Sternberg considered love to be incomplete if just one of them was missing.
The first component of love is intimacy. It is defined as feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bonding (Feurman, 2019). Intimacy consists of two aspects of the triangle, passion, and commitment (Feurman, 2019). This often takes place at the beginning of relationships and is responsible for fantasies about the future or of that person. Infatuation may put two people under the impression they can make it work even if they have nothing they need to develop long-term commitment. Infatuation is often depicted in movies like its sister concept of "love at first sight." There may be no evidence that the other person will nurture a healthy, loving relationship, but that does not matter when infatuation is at the helm.
In total, there are seven types of love that fall somewhere in between the three major subdivisions. The first being one I expanded on, infatuation. The others would be liking, empty love, fatuous love, romantic love, compassionate love, and the ideal consummate love. (Feurman, 2019). Each kind consists of one or two aspects from the triangle, and only one known as consummate love has the balance of all passion, intimacy, and commitment. The rest fall somewhere else along the spectrum, for example, romantic love consists of passion and intimacy but lacks commitment. Another being companionate love, filled with commitment and intimacy, yet no sign of passion. Last but not least is fatuous love which is very common in dating culture. Both passion and commitment are present but intimacy is lacking.
All three types of love work together to create each relationship’s unique dynamic. Sternberg determined intimacy to be a very important aspect of love, the other type of love, decision and commitment along with empty love. This is what breaks many relationships, unfaithfulness and lust of someone outside of the relationship. Commitment requires a love that is mutual and both parties involved begin to move towards shared goals and remaining to each other. That may look different per relationship. For some couples, it will look like a monogamous relationship, while for others it could be an open relationship. Empty love is defined as commitment without passion or intimacy. Many relationships end up in this phase before separating.
It is interesting how the interaction between all types of love work together yet have the power to separate people. Love is complicated; it is different for every person on the planet. Various potential partners fit our love stories to greater and lesser degrees, and we are more than likely to succeed in close relationships with people whose stories more rather than less match our own (Feurman, 2019). All aspects must work together in the right formula. Everyone has their own definitions for each term, and I believe that many of us are likely to foster relationships like those around us. One thing we can do is be proactive in educating ourselves on what a healthy relationship looks like, along with how to keep some sort of a balance with our partners for the best possible experience trying to balance intimacy, passion, and commitment.
References:
M. Feurman, Sternberg's triangular theory and the 7 types of love, July 2019. https://thoughtsfeeds.com/2019/10/17/sternbergs-triangular-theory-and-the-7-types-of-love/