Parenting Styles
Overview
A review of different parenting styles with an emphasis on authoritative parenting.
Parenting Styles: Why Authoritative Parenting is the Best
Author: Carson Manning
Editor: Heather Whittaker
Being a parent is one of the most challenging and rewarding responsibilities a person can take on. The method individuals use to handle such a responsibility is up to them but it is important to remember that different approaches result in different outcomes. Davies, Cummings, and Winter (2004) suggest that parenting style has a significant effect on a child's behavior. These different methods of parenting can be classified into four parenting styles. According to Dr. Maryann Rosenthal, coauthor of Be a Parent, Not a Pushover (2006), “…the two main components that make up parenting styles are responsiveness and demandingness.” Varying degrees of responsiveness and demandingness make up the parenting styles of authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and disengaged.
Authoritarian Style can be described as unresponsive and demanding. Parents who use this style insist their children live by a rigid set of rules. Authoritarian parents value rules and obedience above all else and they make that known to their children. According to Davies et al. (2004), authoritarian parents limit their child’s independence by making them follow strict rules that are enforced with harsh punishments. This limited independence results in clearly stated rules that are followed but the purpose of the rules is not fully communicated or understood by the child (Baumrind, 1991). That is because children of authoritarian parents learn to question what their authority figures expect of them, but not the authority of such a figure.
Authoritarian parents, like all others, have positive and negative aspects. One positive aspect is that children are more likely to accept rules. One argument against this style is that just because children accept the rules, that does not mean they will follow them. This parenting style will teach children rules but may not communicate the justification for them. Children and adolescents learn to view rules as arbitrary and understand that they are established with no justification. Another problem is that it may result in children who are more anxious and have fewer social skills. Children of authoritarian parents experiment less in their social environments and prioritize responding to the perceived authority figure. These children may feel anxious as a result of always second-guessing their decisions and actions in fear of breaking the rules or not meeting expectations (Steinberg, 1994).
Authoritative parenting can be described as a form of control that uses understanding and communication to achieve desired outcomes. Authoritative parents value instilling obedience in their children through communication. According to Sartaj and Aslam (2010), these parents are assertive without being intrusive or restrictive. Authoritative parents encourage obedience by setting clear rules and may even predetermine punishments and/or reinforcements for behaviors. Authoritative parents want their children to listen to them and they are willing to listen to their children in return (Cheryl, 2005). That creates a give and take relationship between parents and their children which is one reason why authoritative parenting is associated with better outcomes than all the others and is considered the optimal form of parenting (Baumrind, 1991).
Another advantage of authoritative style is it allows children to develop social skills by fostering the development of their own voice. Children of authoritative parents express themselves and act in such a way that they feel justified. This allows them to develop a robust sense of self and independence. Children of authoritative parents become more independent with time but their actions are monitored. They tend to make better choices as a result of their monitored independence because autonomy was fostered from a young age by their parents. These advantages give us insight into why children of authoritative parents are usually better off in adulthood.
Permissive parents demand less of children and focus less on child obedience. This parenting style lets children be more expressive but comes at the cost of children developing behavioral issues. These behavioral issues may go unresolved because permissive parents are less likely to intervene. These behavioral issues are most likely the result of children not having some sort of standard to follow. These children are allowed to be more independent but lack guidance in developing their independence.
This parenting style comes with some advantages. One of the advantages is that children can be creative and learn to be independent. Children of permissive parents learn to make more decisions but they may lack knowledge on what decision is most reasonable. This is one of the drawbacks of this permissiveness. Children have no guide to follow when they are making decisions and they may have to depend on trial and error. Parents who use this style are less involved and that can result in children having poor relationships with their parents.
Disengaged parenting can be described as dissociated. Parents see themselves as fully separated from their children, and therefore, show minimal involvement in their life. This parenting style may meet the child’s basic needs but gives very little in the way of care and guidance.
It is clear that not all parenting styles are equal. Parents should aim to be responsive and moderately demanding. These two characteristics make up the authoritative parenting style. Parents can be responsive by valuing communication with their children. Listen to your child's thoughts and opinions before making any decision and then explain the reasoning behind your decision. Be demanding about the rules that are fully communicated, but avoid being overly rigid. Rigidity in setting rules may instill the fear of making mistakes in the child. As a result, children learn to fear to make mistakes and often question their every move. There is no perfect guide to being a parent but we can facilitate better outcomes for children through educating about optimal parenting approaches.
References
Baumrind, D. (1991). Parenting styles and adolescent development. In R. Lerner, A. C. Peterson, & J. Brooks-Gunn (Eds.). The Encyclopedia on Adolescence (pp. 746-758). NY: Garland.
Davies, P. T., Cummings, E. M., & Winter, M. A. (2004) Pathways between profiles of family functioning, child security in the interparental subsystem, and child psychological problems. Development and Psychopathology, 16, 525–550.
Rosenthal, M., & Fetherling, D. (2006). Be a parent, not a pushover: a guide to raising happy, emotionally healthy teens. Nashville: Nelson Books.
Steinberg, L. (1994). Authoritative parenting and adolescent adjustment across varied ecological niches. Journal of Responsible Adolescence, 1, 19-36.